Conquering Fear: A Guide to Overcoming a Phobia of Dogs

A debilitating fear that often goes unacknowledged – but what if that fear has four legs and follows you everywhere you go? 

Stefani Cohen, a licensed clinical social worker with extensive experience helping children and families, joins us to shed light on an overlooked phobia that restricts countless lives. Unlike fears of heights or spiders that only occasionally interfere with daily activities, cynophobia (fear of dogs) creates constant limitations in a world where our canine companions are everywhere – from neighborhoods and parks to friends' homes and outdoor cafes.

Through fascinating insights and practical wisdom, Stefani reveals how well-intentioned actions often backfire. When parents help children avoid dogs or hosts put their pets away during visits, they inadvertently reinforce the message that dogs are dangerous, creating a cycle where fears intensify rather than fade. "By putting the dog away, that inadvertently reinforces the fear... the translation is: wow, that dog must be dangerous," Stephanie explains.

The conversation takes us through her unique methodology combining exposure therapy with education about dog communication. We learn why meeting dogs outside on leash reduces anxiety, how to recognize the warning signs that precede 99% of dog bites, and why standing still like a tree rather than running is essential safety knowledge. For those facing immediate threats, Stefani shares the life-saving advice to "crouch down like a rock and cover your head."

What makes this approach truly transformative goes beyond dog interactions. When children overcome significant fears, they develop confidence that transfers to other life challenges. "I want you to remember – if you can do this, you can do anything," Stefani tells her clients. Her success stories – from the seven-year-old who progressed from crying in her car to confidently petting a therapy dog, to the six-year-old who went from hiding behind furniture to showing a dog her dance moves – demonstrate the profound impact of facing fears with proper support.

Whether you're personally affected by dog phobia or supporting someone who is, this eye-opening conversation offers hope, practical strategies, and a path forward. Connect with Stefani through her books "Overcoming Your Child's Fear of Dogs" and "How to Face My Fear of Dogs," or reach out directly for consultation that could change your relationship with the canine world forever.

Stefani's groundbreaking work was inspired by her own daughter’s struggles with dog phobia—an often overlooked yet highly disruptive fear. What began as a personal mission has grown into a national resource, complete with two empowering books: Overcoming Your Child’s Fear of Dogs and How To Face My Fear of Dogs (a companion activity guide for kids). You can find Stefani at https://overcomefearofdogs.com.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Stephanie Kohit's Work
• 3:11 Understanding Dog Phobia's Hidden Impact
• 6:44 Why Avoiding Dogs Reinforces Fear
• 11:10 Exposure Therapy and Dog Communication
• 14:53 Safety Techniques When Encountering Dogs
• 18:27 Success Stories and Therapeutic Approaches
• 22:40 Resources and Connecting With Stephanie
• 25:42 Conclusion and Contact Information

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome back to another episode of Advancing with Amy, mental Health Warrior and NeuroSpicyMama. Today, I sit down with Stephanie Kohit, a licensed clinical social worker whose unique expertise lies in helping children and families navigate developmental challenges. Plus, she's developed a groundbreaking approach to overcoming the often overlooked fear of dogs, from real-life success stories to practical tips you can use right now. Stephanie shares how phobias like this can shape family life, why they tend to fly under the radar, and the compassionate, step-by-step methods that truly empower kids and their parents to conquer anxiety. If you or someone you love struggles with fears that hold them back, especially when it comes to our four-legged friends, this episode will offer hope, guidance and maybe even a few smiles along the way. Let's dive in. Today we're talking with Stephanie Cohen, and Stephanie, can you tell me a little bit about what you do and how you got started in it?

Speaker 2: 1:14

Sure, so I'm a licensed clinical social worker and my main practice is working with families and children. Many of them are neurodivergent kids with some developmental delays, young children for the most part. And then I have this little side niche it's actually more than a niche now, which I'm happy about of helping people who are afraid of dogs face that fear helping people who are afraid of dogs.

Speaker 1: 1:48

Face that fear. That's great. My daughter's afraid of dogs, so I think it's so impressive that you've got a whole business created out of this so that people can get help and move on with their lives, because it can be totally restricting.

Speaker 2: 1:58

Yes, that's what happened actually when my daughter was five, which was many, many years ago, and actually when my daughter was five, which was many, many years ago, she one day just announced I'm afraid of dogs and I'm not going to Jennifer's house for a play date because they have a dog and I didn't know how to help her. And intuitively, my sister and I, with my sister's dog, we did exposure therapy and then, over the years, years, have kind of refined the protocol and, as you know, I've written two books and I get calls from all over the country. It's really, it's a phobia that flies under the radar in many ways, so but it's an important one. I always say that you know, if you're afraid of spiders or heights or even flying, you can pretty much live your life, but not if you're afraid of dogs. It really impacts you.

Speaker 1: 2:54

Yeah, you are so right, and I was reading through your children's book and I noticed a lot of these things could apply to just anybody with anxiety, but these are specific to people that have fear of dogs. Right, how do people with this fear go under the radar? How does that happen?

Speaker 2: 3:11

Well, I think it's actually, I think, more prevalent than people realize. Adults have kind of learned to fake it and they can sort of hide their fear a little bit Not always, and a lot of adults have told me that they feel ashamed by their fear. But when I say it goes under the radar, it's like, unless you have to, you're going somewhere where there's a dog. You might not ever know that you know someone you love is afraid of dogs.

Speaker 1: 3:47

Right. The problem is you can't go anywhere safely if you don't know whether they have a dog or not.

Speaker 2: 3:52

Well, that's true, there's a big avoidance. And what's interesting is, you know, a lot of times, if a kid's going on a play date or something, people will put their dog in another room or in a crate or something. Not everybody. There are some people who won't do that, which is okay too, but by putting the dog away quote-unquote that inadvertently reinforces the fear. Oh my gosh, I would have never thought that. I mean yeah. So the translation is wow, that dog must be dangerous if they're putting it away.

Speaker 1: 4:29

Oh, I see now, that makes sense.

Speaker 2: 4:32

And then another important piece is a lot of parents think their kids will outgrow it, but also they help their kids avoid uncomfortable situations because it's hard for them to tolerate their child being in distress, which I understand. But that also reinforces the fear and it tends to get worse without some help. What a vicious circle yes.

Speaker 1: 5:03

So what do you recommend? Is it something they can actually fix on their own with the help of your book, or do they actually need professional care?

Speaker 2: 5:11

Well, I think what they really need is they need a suitable dog and a handler, because this really only works. From my experience with exposure therapy to a real dog my experience with exposure therapy to a real dog. So and that seems to be the hardest part of this, even for me, I have a handful of friends with therapy dogs and they very generously assist me. But when people call me from other parts of the country and they have the book and they're ready to go, I said you have to find the dog. It doesn't have to be a therapy dog, but they're vetted and their temperament is. I know what that is like and that would be a very safe dog, do you?

Speaker 1: 5:54

work yourself up from a small little dog to a bigger dog if your fear is of big dogs.

Speaker 2: 6:00

Yes, Basically, as you know, we scaffold whatever that is from, you know, the least threatening or challenging exercise to the most challenging. So for some people they might just stand 15 feet away from the dog for 15 minutes and then we go up from there. So it's interesting. Some people are afraid of little dogs. Some people are afraid of being jumped on. There's some information in the activity guide to help you get more specific about your fear, but in my experience the majority is people don't know what they're afraid of.

Speaker 1: 6:43

Right, I saw in the workbook that it asked you to kind of like try to identify and, if you didn't know, to kind of guess what might have caused the problem in the beginning.

Speaker 2: 6:53

Right.

Speaker 1: 6:54

Is there a lot of kids who don't know where it came from?

Speaker 2: 6:57

Yes, so basically, there's four different ways that probably any phobia develops, but with this one, the first one and most people think this is the most common which is something negative happens to you with a dog, it doesn't have to be an attack, it could just be that a dog barked at you. The thing is, if you experience it as threatening and stressful, then it can start the fear. Or if you see something negative happen to someone else. Or the third way is you hear about it, somebody you know, like. I had one grandmother who grew up in Puerto Rico and there were a lot of stray dogs and she would always tell her grandchildren that you know, dogs are dangerous, stay away from dogs. Yes. And then the fourth way, which, honestly, amy, seems to be the most common. It's like a certain personality, which is what it was with my daughter. These kids tend to be cautious, observant, creative, all kinds of wonderful characteristics, but they don't understand dogs and that makes them fear. So the first thing we do I call it dog lessons is we learn about dogs?

Speaker 1: 8:31

Yeah, that's great, and so do you notice ever that people are saying oh to these children? This is ridiculous. It's just a dog.

Speaker 2: 8:42

Yes, lighten up Yep, yep. So which is, as you know, as a social worker, that's the number one. No-no, you validate how they're feeling, because in my experience, if you say, oh, you're being silly, there's nothing to be afraid of, Kids will go out of their way to show you oh yes, I am afraid.

Speaker 1: 9:03

So it's better to just say I understand, you're afraid, we're going to keep you safe and help you feel brave, that's good, and so if you go over to someone's house and they've got a dog and they don't put it away, what should they do instead?

Speaker 2: 9:19

Well, I think what I've come to realize is there are really two parts to this fear. The first one is we're afraid of things we don't understand, so we learn as much as we can about dogs. So when we look at a dog because they communicate with their bodies and their voice, communicate with their bodies and their voice, and when we look at a dog we can learn to tell. This dog is saying, stay away. This dog is saying I'm friendly and what? I've come to this?

Speaker 2: 9:55

This is in the second book, not the first, because I, as I said to someone the other day, I'm still learning.

Speaker 2: 10:01

Every session is different, every client is different and I I continue to learn and to adjust, which actually makes the work very exciting.

Speaker 2: 10:12

But what I suggest is, if you're going somewhere and there's a dog comfortable with the host, to ask that the dog be leashed and meet and greet you outside their house. Oh, okay, because lots of dogs get very excited when you come into their house. That makes sense. So they're going to bark, they're going to jump, unless they're very well trained, but my experience, including my own dog they get very excited. So you meet them outside, take four or five minutes so the dog can see you and you can also see the dog and you can see. Okay, you know this is a safe dog. You know this is a safe dog and also, as you know, that fight or flight thing kicks in and can take 5, 10, even 15 minutes to calm the nervous system. So I suggest that you can take that time to do it also and then when you go in the house, if the people are willing to continue to keep the dog on the leash for a while.

Speaker 1: 11:24

Oh, that's a great idea and I love how in your book, because you were talking about needing to see the dog and know are they being playful, are they being upset, are they being friendly?

Speaker 2: 11:35

That kind of thing.

Speaker 1: 11:36

You've actually got in your workbook two full pages of different pictures of the dogs and what their body represents at that time. Yes, and I think that's great, because if they learn that ahead of time, that should, I would hope, help them to calm down when they see the dog reenacting that behavior.

Speaker 2: 11:57

Yes. And the other thing I tell kids is 99% of dog bites have a warning. You just have to know what to look for. It's very rare that dogs bite out of the blue. Don't want it to add to the fear and, quite honestly, the majority of dogs that we come across, if you're respectful and know when to give them space and this is up to parents to supervise a healthy dog will walk away as long as they have an exit ramp. My dog I have. She's better now. But when my granddaughter was two and a half, she's fascinated with Winnie and she would get in Winnie's face and I watched very carefully and once or twice Winnie gave a little and I said, okay, winnie is saying no thank you and I said okay, when he is saying no thank you, let's go do something else.

Speaker 1: 13:03

That's good. Just educating them, yes. So what do you? Or do you teach children safety, like if they need to recognize that a dog is getting upset and what to do at that time if they can't get away, or should they run? Should they?

Speaker 2: 13:20

walk, good question. If they can't get away? Or should they run? Should they walk? Good question. So the first thing I tell kids is never run from a dog, because dogs are hardwired to chase things, even in fun. So if you're afraid of dogs, even though you want to run, that is almost guaranteed that that dog is going to follow you. So we practice standing very still, either like a tree or crossing your arms and turning your head away from the dog and breathing and telling yourself I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, because in dog language, when the dog turns their head away, they're telling the other dog I'm not interested, keep moving, ah, okay, yeah, that's great, yeah. And God forbid that you come across an aggressive dog and you are in danger. You're supposed to crouch down like a rock and cover your head.

Speaker 1: 14:21

Oh wow, I hadn't heard that. That's great to know. So do you have any stories about someone who's come a long way in their fear of?

Speaker 2: 14:30

dogs. Yes, I have a pretty good track record. There are a few people I have to say I was not able to help. One was a 17-year-old football player and he was so panicked he locked himself in his room and would not come out even for $100. Wow, yeah. But most of the people have been able to. Even if they don't want to interact or live on a dog, they could go about their life. They could go to the bus stop, they could walk past a dog in a restaurant. That's laying down, you know things like that. One of like, my poster child for this is Taylor, who, when she was seven, she came with her parents and, by the way, parents and, by the way, this is the tricky part Many parents are supportive and kind of do that balance between helping but not

Speaker 2: 15:35

forcing, okay, but not all parents. So, as the facilitator of the session, that's something that I kind of have to dance around sometimes. Although I've gotten pretty direct, I will say you know what You're paying me, let me do this. So, anyway, when Taylor got there, she sat in her car with her mom for 20 minutes, crying hysterically. Oh no, she was able to get out of the car. So, by the way, I always suggest a reward or a motivator, something that the kid might work for. In this case I think it was a milkshake. So Taylor got out of the car and she stood by the car and it was Nico, who is one of the therapy dogs and he's the calmest one, he's like level one, and he was made I'm terrible with distance, maybe he was 20 feet away and he was just laying on a blanket and we did some mindfulness, we did some deep breathing and then I started asking Taylor about gymnastics, which she loves. So we weren't even talking about the dog and immediately, like, she became less guarded because she was talking about I can't, maybe her tumbling I can't remember exactly what her favorite thing was, but and then so she relaxed a little bit.

Speaker 2: 17:03

I always assure people that the dog is on a leash will stay on a leash and will not approach you unless you want the dog to. So most of the time the dog lays down or sits in the beginning. And eventually we got Taylor up to Nico and first mom pet Nico and then Taylor did one finger and then a whole hand. And another one of my tricks is I always say can you count to 10 in another language? So then they're thinking about that, not, I'm scared of the dog, they're thinking about you know. So I have a whole bag of tricks, I have a superhero cape, I have tutus, I have puzzles that the dogs do with kids. And the sweet spot is between seven and maybe 10, because these kids develop mentally, because these kids developmentally, they're motivated but they're not self-conscious yet. So they end up having fun. We try to make it fun.

Speaker 2: 18:10

And then, at some point, I said to Taylor look, you're standing next to a dog, and she did really well.

Speaker 1: 18:23

That's amazing. So have you noticed that kids that are afraid of dogs are afraid of other animals, or is it just dogs? Good, question.

Speaker 2: 18:29

I haven't found any real correlation. There are kids who are just afraid of dogs for the most part, other than you know, some typical seers that you might have the dark, but there are some kids who are afraid of more than dogs. Sometimes they tend to be a little more anxious. Often people are afraid of cats, dogs, birds, and I think it all comes down to the animals feel unpredictable Right, and I think a while ago I had said there's two things about the fear and I never got to the second one, which is a need to control.

Speaker 1: 19:12

Oh, I see that.

Speaker 2: 19:13

Yeah, so we always make sure they have control. We promise them they will not be forced to do anything they don't want to do. We will enthusiastically nudge them, but we'd all force.

Speaker 1: 19:28

That's great. Well, I just think it's so impressive that the tools that you're teaching them are not only going to help them through this fear, but going to be lifelong tools they can use.

Speaker 2: 19:40

That's a really good point. So two parts to that. The first one is I often, before we actually meet with the dog because I do one session without the dog I will ask them to remember a time when they felt afraid but they were able to do something anyway. For lots of kids it's putting their head under the water, for others it's roller coaster and whatever. And how did you feel after? And they always said proud, relieved, it was fun. And I said, well, and how did you feel after? And they always said proud, relieved, it was fun. And I said, well, that's how you're going to feel when you pet the dog. And then, once they've kind of graduated or you know, I've gotten less afraid to your point, said I want you to remember if you can do this, you could do anything.

Speaker 1: 20:29

Yes, I love that, so tell me what the names of your books are and where we can find those.

Speaker 2: 20:36

Sure. So the first one is Overcoming your Child's Fear of Dogs a step-by-step guide for parents. And if I could go back where it wasn't such a big deal, I would change the title, because it's actually. It's a very useful book for not just parents, for therapists, dog trainers, grandma, anybody who wants to help someone who's afraid of dogs.

Speaker 1: 21:05

Right.

Speaker 2: 21:05

And it's not just for children either.

Speaker 1: 21:11

But I don't have the bandwidth in me to do that right now.

Speaker 2: 21:13

And the second one, which really is only about a year old, is how to Face my Fear of Dogs, which is the companion activity guide for kids to do with the first book.

Speaker 1: 21:27

Yeah, I absolutely love that. So where can they find these? Are they on Amazon or in certain bookstores?

Speaker 2: 21:33

They're not in bookstores, they're Barnes, noble, amazon. I think those are the main ones.

Speaker 1: 21:40

Okay, and if they want to work with you specifically, do you only do face-to-face assistance or do you ever do any Zoom meetings?

Speaker 2: 21:48

I definitely do Zoom meetings and I can consult. But if I don't have the dog there I can't do the exposure therapy.

Speaker 1: 21:59

Will that make?

Speaker 2: 22:00

sense? Yeah, but I can guide from afar. It's interesting Last year a mom in British Columbia had a nine-year-old boy autistic boy who was afraid of dogs, and I helped them come up with a plan. I think it was the behavior therapist who helped also and she ran the session. They found a dog and he made a lot of progress. I was really really happy about that.

Speaker 1: 22:33

Great. So if they do want to work with you, where do they?

Speaker 2: 22:36

find you. Oh, I'm sorry. So my website is overcomefearofdogscom. Also on Instagram. That's the handle and my email. Email and I don't mind if people contact me directly is my name, but you have to spell it correctly s-t-e-f-a-n-i-c-o-h-e-n and then lcsw at gmailcom perfect, and I'll put all of that information in the show notes as well is there anything that you feel like we didn't cover that you'd like to speak to, I think.

Speaker 2: 23:11

I would just like to speak to this fear can be faced and it really is life change. The emails and the reviews of the book, I mean it really just shows that people didn't realize that this was a thing and that it could be helped.

Speaker 1: 23:37

Yeah, it must be very rewarding to hear from people.

Speaker 2: 23:40

It's incredibly rewarding and, like I said, each session is different and it really keeps you on your toes. Today I worked with a six-year-old little girl who, when we went into her house actually and it was Nico again we went in and she was hiding behind the sofa by the end she was showing him her dance moves.

Speaker 1: 24:03

Oh my gosh, that's beautiful. Yeah, I love it.

Speaker 2: 24:06

Yeah, it's really it's extremely rewarding.

Speaker 1: 24:10

Well, I really appreciate you coming on and talking to us about this today. It means a lot, Well thank you so much.

Speaker 2: 24:15

I really I love to spread the word and thank you for helping.

Speaker 1: 24:19

Definitely All right. You have a good day you too. Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of Advancing with Amy. You, too, truly life-changing. My daughter has been afraid of dogs her entire life and I'm finally feeling some hope that I can get her some help with this. If you'd like to learn more or need resources for yourself or a loved one, visit Stephanie's website at overcomefearofdogscom. Her books Overcoming your Child's Fear of Dogs a Step-by-Step Guide for Parents, and the Companion Activity Guide how to Face my Fear of Dogs, are available on Amazon and Barnes Noble. If you're interested in working with Stephanie directly or just have questions, she welcomes your emails at stephaniecohenlcsw at gmailcom. That's S-T-E-F-A-N-I-C-O-H-E-N-L-C-S-W at gmailcom. I'll also include that in the show notes. Facing fears, building confidence and supporting our kids these are lessons we can all use. Thanks again for listening and be sure to subscribe so you don't miss our next conversation on Advancing with Amy. Mental Health Warrior and NeuroSpicy. Mama, keep advancing, warrior.